I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
