im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
