new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
