You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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