defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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