So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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