I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
