can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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