so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
