worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
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