he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
