I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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