my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
