u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm way too hungover for life right now
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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