Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
