What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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