Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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