Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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