There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
