You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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