If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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