oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
