I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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