Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
