If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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