Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
