This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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