It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
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She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
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I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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