Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize