btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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