we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize