as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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