just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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