He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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