i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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