I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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