I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
