I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
