dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
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when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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