So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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