I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
