Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
