we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
