The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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