It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
