You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
