I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize