Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
