Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
