Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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