Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
