i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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