No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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