First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
