I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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