i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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