OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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