Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
