i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
