come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
