Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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