I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have tasted many bathrooms
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
