Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
