Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I need a beard to bite.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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