i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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