Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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