dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
