After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
