She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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