do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
