Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
