Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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