dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
