would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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