Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
