I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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