i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
