my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
even my farts smell like vagina
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
