Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
