"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
